This morning’s commute was an eye-opening experience for me. I have become a true Masshole commuter. Sigh.
The moment of realization was at 7:41 this morning; yes 7:41 exactly. How do I know this? Being the anxiety-fused, worry wart, punctual Patti that I am, I have meticulously calculated key milestones within my commute and their corresponding times to ensure that I am aware of my time constraints. If I get to my Route 16 exit anytime after 7:36AM, I will hit secondary road/school bus traffic (thanks, Newton private schools), which will further increase my commute time by about 9 minutes. If I get to Route 16 prior to 7:27, which has happened once in my entire time of commuting, then I have time to stop for a Starbucks treat (but only if I have a gift card, naturally.)
Regardless, I know the exact time of my realization because I was only exiting the pike at 7:41, and I was prepping to be late and/or drive aggressively to make up the extra five minutes (I arrived at work today at 8:05, better to arrive late, than never at all- right, Mom?)
Just as I began to my veer toward my exit, it happened. The person in front of me put on their blinker. Not only did the act of putting on the blinker send me into a complete state of confusion, but it also led me to slip directly into defensive driver mode. The person in front of me correctly used their signal to signify their safe exit off the turnpike (who does that?!) and I mistakenly read her signal as: “I am going to aggressively pull over into the breakdown lane, and cut you off. This is an emergency!”
Instead of calmly noting that the white minivan in front of me was also exiting off the pike safely, I preventatively swerved around the car into the second “exit only” lane so that she would be able to stop her vehicle for said emergency without forcing me to a) slam on breaks and honk, or b) swerve even more aggressively.
I continued my commute slightly defeated and heavier hearted. While I continued to follow the minivan I realized that I have evolved as a driver; I haven’t necessarily become aggressive, but I have become overly defensive. No longer does the safe use of a signal signify what it should.
Upon reflecting on further details of my commute, I realized that I also committed three additional tell-tale mass hole crimes. I managed to weave around a clueless, “I drive with my left blinker permanently on,” out-of-state Toyota to make a short light (the one that delays my commute by 4 minutes almost everyday, but who’s counting?) I also found a new short cut to avoid waiting at a pointless light, and even lightly laughed when pulling into my office lot and seeing the bumper to bumper traffic headed onto the pike.
I like to think I am not a Masshole, but rather that I have astutely trained myself to co-exist with them on a daily basis. Lets go with it; I feel better about myself that way.
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