is this why short people are grumpy?

Why I miss my long hair.

1. I miss having a ponytail that doesn’t resemble a “nub.” A low ponytail can only look cute for so long, especially if it is nothing more than a nort on the back of my head. Trying for a high ponytail? I don’t think so, as any attempt in a ponytail higher than my ears results the “half up, half down” look, cool circa 1995.
2. I miss being able to wear my hair up…period. I miss the knot that I used to casually fold my hair into when putzing to the store, around the house, or when driving with the windows down. The previously effortless pull up has now become a strategic pull back in an effort to avoid stray whispies.
3. I miss going to the gym and not needing to wear a headband to prevent whispies from matting to my forehead and the back of my neck. Yes, I sweat at the gym. I admit it, but it was a lot easier to hide when I had blonde locks to cover the neck area. Now, my intense glow is visible to all gym rats; so far for meeting Mr. Right at my gym. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sweepaway bangs (which are now overgrown,) but not when I look like a giant greaseball. (I promise I am not an excessive sweater, Mr. Totally Hunky Gym Beefcake!)
4. I miss being able to sleep on my hair and not have to restraighten it. I know this sounds neurotic (if only just slightly,) but I miss being able to shower at night, sleep on my hair and wake up without looking like I went through a minor perm procedure whilst sleeping. My hair is not thinning, nor is its thickness/consistency changing at a rapid rate, therefore the only changing variable that could constitute this change would be my mane’s length.
5. I miss the perfected beach tousled look. You know, the “I am not trying to make my hair look curly, but the slight wave/curl puts me smack in the middle of the Anthropologie magazine” look. I had perfected that look, and was beginning to utilize well, particularly during the warm months. I have tried to recreate the vibe, but often my slightly sloppy, yet trendy tendrils is mistaken for bad bed head, or forced gel curls. Fail.
6. I miss the side braid. Um, hello? How am I supposed to pull of the summer-boho-cowboy-chic image I go for every year if I can’t sport the side braid? It is practically impossible to successfully achieve. Yes, I most certainly can attempt a braid, but ultimately my wannabe braid looks more like a twisted messy knot than anything resembling the proper look. In order for said braid to remain intact, I need to twist it like I am tying a corset to my head. End result? A four inch braid sticking straight out the back of my head. Attractive? I don’t think so.
7. I miss people saying: "Millions of women pay to have your hair." Call me vain, call me superficial, but I miss getting compliments on how beautiful my hair was/is. Now, my hair is just the ugly duckling of blondes everywhere.
8. I miss rock band head bang. It doesn't happen often, but when it should, I can't. Sigh.
9. I miss people playing with my hair; not in a creepy kind of way, but I love the feeling of someone else brushing through my hair. Apparently short hair sends out the "don't touch me" vibe.
10. I miss being able to go underwater, come to the surface, and not look like a tad pole. This is a privilege you have that you are completely unaware of. Yes, I look like a tadpole when I emerge from a body of water; my short, wet, blonde hair mats to my head and creates a recipe for tad pole/swimming cap disaster. Its my problem, not yours.

I. Want. My. Long. Hair. Back. Its been a year and a half since I chopped it off in the name of charity, and I think it is due time for my locks to grow back to their original length. Summer will not be the same without long blonde hair to wrestle with the wind.

I remember telling my adolescent brother that his facial hair would grow faster if he pushed really hard, you know what I mean. I wonder if that would also work for my mane…?