The self evaluation. A time for pretentious people to shine and self doubters to, well for lack of a better term, self doubt.
I have always struggled with self evaluations, and I am not sure if it is my inability to make decisions, my lifelong struggle at giving myself compliments, or a combination of both, but regardless they have always proved to be difficult for me.
The self evaluation process usually brings out my conscious/devil, Id/Ego, nice/naughty/whatever you want to call it conflict. There is me, my “good self,” and my “bad self” all reflecting on my actions throughout a paper, project or assignment.
On one shoulder sits my self advocating mini-me. I imagine her to look like me, only small enough to sit on my shoulder. She’s smart, quick witted, and very aggressive (reminds me of someone else I know.) She kicks in and discusses how hard I worked on said project, and that I deserve recognition for the sweat, stress, and most likely tears that went into the process. I am hard working pupil/colleague; I submit quality work that I deem qualified for review; I put in the effort. She thinks I deserve “excellent” in all categories of the self eval rubric. End. Of. Discussion.
On the other shoulder sits my honest, conscientious mini-me. She is wearing glasses, and holding books, perhaps something like Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter, sans really annoying voice. She is always the one to keep my self-advocating self in check, and asks questions like: “Self, did you really work as hard as you could have on the ‘proofreading’ section?” or: “Self, don’t you think there are other students who probably put more effort into their ‘title and introduction’ section than you did?” She usually rates my achievements as average; not sub-par, but definitely not admirable. Honest mini-me immediately butts heads with self-advocating mini-me and looks to diffuse any kind of self encouraging campaign or spark that comes with her.
Me? I serve as the mediator between the two, and historically speaking, the situation ends with me handing in the evaluation wondering whether my superior will find me to have overshot or undershot their thoughts. My mother always tells me that I am way too hard on myself, and that I tend to set unrealistic expectations for myself. So while in the real world I am particularly hard on my effort and actions, I try to create reasonable criteria for myself when self evaluating, as not everyone is as big of a nutcase perfectionist as I am.
Insert immediate anxiety until feedback and/or grade is returned.
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