What The Duck!

I hate being psychic sometimes (or theorizing all possible outcomes so that no matter what happens, I am always right…)

Duckboat Anxiety #1: Fear of the Surprise Quack
March was the month of rain.

For those of you that remember, March was also the month that the Boston Duckboat Brigade took over my parents’ road out in the burbs because of said rain. For those of you who don’t remember, read here and you will.

If you recall, I was completely warmhearted over how giving the duckboat team was for sharing their unique vehicles with those stranded on Pelham “Island” [ironic, isn’t it? #1] and suggested that their good deed was great, “we’re good people” free publicity for their company. I had theorized that the duckboats were either going to have an awesome summer season because to close out a great spring….that or completely flop and need to rely on their spring good deed to keep their heads above water (no pun intended.)

Duckboat Anxiety #2: Fear of Duckboat Sinkage
Philadelphia: duck boat and barge collide.

Panic! Do I know anyone in Philadelphia that could possibly be atop this sinking quackboat? Does that mean all duckboats are unsafe? What happens if I go on a duckboat and it sinks?! Does this mean the duckboat franchise is ovah?

Pause. Self, you don’t know a single person in Philadelphia…you only just remembered your 7th grade visit a few weeks back. Rest assured that there is certainly no one on the duckboat that you need to call and/or throw them a life vest. Secondly, duckboat collisions are not correlated geographically. All duckboats are not unsafe, just that one in Philly, but further, when do you ever plan on going on a duckboat and why would you panic about said trip when you know how to swim. Lastly, what do you care if the duckboat franchise seizes to exist. You. Hate. Duckboats.

Duckboat Anxiety #3: Being Hit By Said Duckboat
Well, the Boat Fever has moved to Boston. The first incident? Well, obviously a collision with a lesbian couple en route to get legally married. The second incident? An incident encounter with an innocent pedestrian. Mothers, get your children off the streets!

I look back on my naïve anxiety in March, completely shocked at what has happened since then. Are duckboats turning on the American people? Is this like when all those circus animals turned on their trainers? I am concerned…