Both Of You, Go To Your Rooms.

Never did I think I would be able to find two people who are better at bickering than my brother and I are.

Boy, was I wrong.

Here enter the televised cat fight, I mean reunion, of Jake and Vienna.

This breakup brings me to the larger question here…why is it that the American public is always so surprised when a couple from the Bachelor breaks up? Um hello, it’s a reality show….

Here’s how producers create the perfect love story:

The Show:

• Pick the Bachelor, a previously rejected contestant from the last season of the Bachelorette.
• Meet the new eligible bachelorettes; half looking for love, half looking for fame, and some looking to be the next Bachelorette.
• Send them to the most ideal, romantic, unrealistic places in the world so that they can get to know each other and fall in love.
• Insert everybody hating one person, and the Bachelor keeping her for ratings.
• Insert surprise return of a previous cast member, just to spice it up.
• Insert slightly realistic, maybe partially heartfelt, but very over dramatic proposal to bring the season to a close.

Voila, instant love. (Further, I am pretty sure I could fall in love with anyone whilst playing in a waterfall with a Mariachi Band accompanying me, followed by a dinner under the stars and private, beachfront cabana. Duh.)

The reunion:
Aw, look at the Bachelor and Fiancé all happy together. They are so in love and do not care who knows it! “We beat the odds, America, we beat the odds!”

Rightttttt.

The reality:
So then what happens? Once the cameras stop rolling, and the couple is forced to return to a [semi-normal, but still over-glamorized] harsh reality. Then what?

Oh, you mean that once they come home from fantasy land, things aren’t as perfect as they were over in Fiji? Are you trying to tell me that they actually need to love one another in a normal setting? Gasp! Eek! The horror!

Plain and simple, we have two over-dramatic, fame seeking individuals on our hands in a very overly public relationship. It is bound to go south, and it does…

The Reunion #2:
The final huzzah for each party to seek one last moment in the Bachelor spotlight. They now hate each other, and think the other is completely selfish and responsible for the downfall of their relationship.

Usually there is only fake emotion- complete with a few empty tears, but this time things were different.

Vienna, I am sorry that I spoke so disparagingly about you over the past six months. I guess I didn’t realize how genuine you were until I saw those true, real, raw emotions pour from you on the set of the reunion (#2). I don’t believe anyone could have faked the tears you shared with America.

For the first time, I think we saw Vienna in a vulnerable state.

As my mother used to say to me in those dark days of middle school, “Vienna, turn around and let me take that knife out of your back.”

I never thought these words would ever leave my mouth, but I am on Team Vienna.