My Celebrity Rider

After reading about how little Lady GaGa requires to keep her satisfied on the road, I thought it was only appropriate to build my own celebrity rider. You know, for when I become famous and am required to suddenly travel extensively throughout the world…

While I have done extensive research on many celebrity road requirements slash judged divas on the ridiculous things they require venues to provide in order to appease them, (19 six foot tall leafy green plants, really Paul McCartney?) I have yet to figure out the length of time each rider covers. That being said, my rider will include all items I will need in order to please me and my [extensive, yet very intimate] entourage before, during, and after my shows.

Kristin’s Celebrity Rider:
(please note, celebrity rider is built as though I weight 115 pounds and am at no risk for weight gain, obviously)

The Healthy:

• Grapefruit, peeled (yes, I eat them like oranges)
• Veggie spreads
• Fruit spreads
• Large strawberries (you can forget those little, dinky ones)
• Grilled chicken and salmon
• Sliced turkey meat
• Multi-grain bread
• Cheerios with skim milk
• bananas
• lots of bottled water, but not evian...(Evian is naive spelled backwards, and everytime I drink it, I feel conned.)

The Sweet

• Cadbury mini eggs ( I don’t care if they are only made seasonally)
• Swedish fish
• Fully stocked Ben & Jerry’s bar
• Raspberry jam

The Salty

• Gold. Fish, cheddar and parmesan. (when you think you have bought enough, grab 4 more boxes…)
• Smartfood and/or Cool Ranch Doritos
• Mikeys Special with several ranches, and one bleu cheese (Available at Sergi’s Pizza, Canton, NY, 315-386-4581)
• Extra Chunky Peanut Butter
• Pretzels, not the thin rods and/or oyster crackers (only from the blue box)
• A quesadilla bar

The Bevys

• Crystal light, lemonade
• Polar seltzers and diet bevys
• Fresca
• Absolut Boston (good luck with that one…it’s a limited edition item, sigh)
• Kettle One Vod
• Tanqueray gin

The Entertainment

• An elliptical somewhere on the premises
• A rad 80’s dance mix, and speakers to play it on
• The “ya, you’re welcome” lady from the pub
• Required after show theme party

Ready, Set, Buy!