I am actively recruiting for a partner, should you be, or know, someone who would compliment my obnoxiousness well. Since this is something that has been monopolizing my free thinking time, I’ve put together a list of things you should know, being that you are most likely my “Amazing Race” partner.
CBS should pick me [and my equally entertaining partner] because:
- I am blonde. This makes me naturally predisposed to doing and/or saying things that seem completely intelligent to me, but in reality are not. Asking if April Fools Day was February 1st? Guilty as charged.
- I am secretly smart? While I may appear, and often sound, particularly scatterbrained and ditzy, don’t be fooled. I am actually bright, especially when it comes to street smarts. My mama dint raise no foo’. I liked to think that my secret smartness would prove to be an asset for my team, being that other teams would not perceive us as threats, enabling us to sneak attack for the win in the end. (Insert evil laugh here)
- I am awkward, yet quick witted. In stressful situations, I will either be on point and focused, sarcastic and judgmental, or crying and throwing a tantrum. Any of these options prove to be entertaining; any of these options are possible. If this isn’t the perfect reality television combination, I am not sure what would be.
- I am down with getting dirty. Seriously. Throw me in the mud; make me roll around in paint; force me to deal with people throwing up. I will be fine. Do not, I repeat, do not make me look at someone wiggle a loose tooth. I will not tolerate such personal torture.
CBS should still pick me, even though:
- I get frustrated easily. Remember how I said my reaction to a stressful situation can differentiate depending on my mood? Yeah, I am sure that would be annoying to my teammate, but it would also make for great television! Plus, I mean there are ways around getting frustrated…doing a task flawlessly the first time always works!
- I can be stubborn. My inability to believe that anything I think of is incorrect may result in my partner wanting to smack me, but it will also result in quality television.
- I am afraid of heights, snakes, spiders, heights, sharks and anything else that…well, that are scary. Want me to eat anything like that? You’ve got a prayer
- I can’t run super fast. This is nothing new. I am not a fast runner, nor do I have high endurance. That being said I am a geat swimmer, biker, Spanish speaker, singer, dancer, and anything else ending in –er which doesn’t require extreme athletic ability.
Don't be fooled. All of my creative answers are under lock and key. I am saving them for when I actually need to convince someone that I am worthy of traveling the world and completing mindless, yet incredibly difficult tasks. I will be great.
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