Amazing Race...pick me, pick me!

Sunday nights are “Amazing Race” nights. I have a fever and the only cure is to be an “Amazing Race” contestant.
I am actively recruiting for a partner, should you be, or know, someone who would compliment my obnoxiousness well. Since this is something that has been monopolizing my free thinking time, I’ve put together a list of things you should know, being that you are most likely my “Amazing Race” partner.

CBS should pick me [and my equally entertaining partner] because:

• I am blonde. This makes me naturally predisposed to doing and/or saying things that seem completely intelligent to me, but in reality are not. Asking if April Fools Day was February 1st? Guilty as charged.
• I am secretly smart? While I may appear, and often sound, particularly scatterbrained and ditzy, don’t be fooled. I am actually bright, especially when it comes to street smarts. My mama dint raise no foo’. I liked to think that my secret smartness would prove to be an asset for my team, being that other teams would not perceive us as threats, enabling us to sneak attack for the win in the end. (Insert evil laugh here)
• I am awkward, yet quick witted. In stressful situations, I will either be on point and focused, sarcastic and judgmental, or crying and throwing a tantrum. Any of these options prove to be entertaining; any of these options are possible. If this isn’t the perfect reality television combination, I am not sure what would be.
• I am down with getting dirty. Seriously. Throw me in the mud; make me roll around in paint; force me to deal with people throwing up. I will be fine. Do not, I repeat, do not make me look at someone wiggle a loose tooth. I will not tolerate such personal torture.

CBS should still pick me, even though:

• I get frustrated easily. Remember how I said my reaction to a stressful situation can differentiate depending on my mood? Yeah, I am sure that would be annoying to my teammate, but it would also make for great television! Plus, I mean there are ways around getting frustrated…doing a task flawlessly the first time always works!
• I can be stubborn. My inability to believe that anything I think of is incorrect may result in my partner wanting to smack me, but it will also result in quality television.
• I am afraid of heights, snakes, spiders, heights, sharks and anything else that…well, that are scary. Want me to eat anything like that? You’ve got a prayer
• I can’t run super fast. This is nothing new. I am not a fast runner, nor do I have high endurance. That being said I am a geat swimmer, biker, Spanish speaker, singer, dancer, and anything else ending in –er which doesn’t require extreme athletic ability.

Don't be fooled. All of my creative answers are under lock and key. I am saving them for when I actually need to convince someone that I am worthy of traveling the world and completing mindless, yet incredibly difficult tasks. I will be great.

Get Real

My name is Kristin, and I am addicted to trashy reality television.

I have had a strong, developed love for sleazy sitcoms since 1998, when on the Real World: Seattle, I had a crush on Nathan, and Stephen hit Irene in the face. I realized I had stumbled onto a love that was to last me forever. I was twelve.

Being that my exposure to reality shows has been so comprehensive, I am a self-proclaimed reality show connoisseur, and now that watching reality television is “cool” again, with the birth of Jersey Shore, I will I would like to take this opportunity to discuss some of my favorite trashy reality television shows that have premiered over the years, and create an open forum to discuss my guilty pleasure. I know you will read it, because secretly, you love them just as much as I do.

The Real World is the spearhead for reality television; it is the show that started it all, and set the bar for all reality shows, past and present. Thank you Jonathan Murray for bringing positive role models, like Coral, Amaya, Nathan, and Trishelle into the lives of adolescent Americans. I learned valuable teenage lessons from The Real World, including how to throw completely unnecessary tantrums, dance like a drunk tramp in bars, and that bringing randos home is not only normal, but often encouraged. While the older seasons are of much higher quality, the new seasons still bring it home. Overall grade: A-.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: I put off watching The Challenge for the same reason I will never watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights: no sequel is as ever good as the original (the obvious exception being Father of the Bride II.) While I decided I wouldn’t put the integrity of the original at risk, I eventually caved. My name is Kristin and I am addicted to reality television. To my surprise, The Challenge displayed a gallant effort and was able to stand on its own two feet, apart from the mothership of the original, separate from its shadow. I was initially intrigued because of all of the iconic characters from my beloved The Real World, but it was the true complex, in depth plot that kept me coming back for more.

Plus, once The Gauntlet came along, there was an entire new reason to watch (as if I needed another)…Evan. Besides the fact that he is a gorgeous, funny, sarcastic, slightly stupid hockey jock (which we all know is my type to a tee,) he also went to our alma mater for a semester, you know, before he then transferred to Cornell to try and further his hockey career…and no, I am not a stalker, I just had friends on the hockey team.

Overall grade: B+, with room for improvement.

Laguna Beach came along and showed the rest of us common folk how extraordinary life could be if we were all rich, beautiful, and tan. It was an ingenious combination of The Fabulous Life Of, Extreme Homes, and the Real World all rolled into one “reality” television series: I was hooked. Unfortunately, with every new season, and spin off, came the more unrealistic plots, and the rumors that LB was scripted. Gasp! The most recent saga has completely turned me off of the SoCal scene, and between Brody dating a playboy bunny and Speidi revealing her addiction to plastic surgery (no judging, my name is Kristin and I am addicted to trashy reality television,) I have completely lost any interest.

Overall Grade: B for the original season, but subtract a grade point for each subsequent season to follow. The most recent season of the Hills receives a big giant F.

Rock of Love and/or Tila Tequila: Everyone deserves a fair chance at finding love, even the trailer trash, and the bi-curious. These The Bachelor gone wrongs are like equally opportunity dating services for those who can’t find love elsewhere. Who are we to stop them? Nothing paves the way for a fairy tale marriage more so than love, trust, and partially clothed hoes gallivanting around. Tila also provided a glimmer of hope to single girls everywhere: if Dani can find love, you bet your ass the rest of us can. Thank you Brett Michaels, for providing the girls of Hulett 306 with hours of trashy entertainment, and priceless life lessons.

Jersey Shore. Being the aforementioned mayor of reality television series, I would like to officially welcome Jersey Shore to the elite club of successful trashy television shows. She came in as the underdog, and I was nervous I would be watching her alone, but it turns out that everyone in America loves Guidos (and why wouldn’t they?!) As an Italian, as well as an Educational Studies minor, I applaud Jersey Shore for providing examples of true diversity within American culture, and for being able to accurately portray the typical lifestyle of an Italian-American. It is safe to say that all Italians agree that the most important things in life are family, hair gel, tanning, and other Guidos.

This, no doubt, is the beginning of a very detailed analysis of poofs, “shats,” and my personal investigation into whether Snooki was purposefully hit at the bar, or if the offender was merely “beating up the beat” and Snooki’s face was simply in the way. More to come on that at a later date.

Overall Grade: B. Add half a grade point for each tattoo, and subtract one for every shirt that was used as a dress.

While I know this is only a small portion of the quality reality shows that are out there, if I don’t limit myself to writing about only a few of the shows that have significantly affected my life, I would be writing a full memoir, as opposed to a blog. I would like to also like to recognize some other significant, but less recognized series that change my life: Sorority Life (2002), Jon and Kate Plus Eight (pre-Jon going Hollywood and Kate getting extensions), Beauty and the Geek, The Biggest Loser, and my new, most recent vice: Keeping Up With the Kardashians. When the mood strikes me, I will be sure to provide you the Cliffnotes to each, as each of them provided me much insight into my past life choices.

My name is Kristin, and I am addicted to trashy reality television.