911!

http://www.wimp.com/kidmath/

Would you rather be:
a) the boy, Mikey
b) the 911 responder, Ralph
c) the mother, Jenna

Personally, I would rather be Mikey, simply due to process of elimination.

I would not want to be Jenna, because that means I will have left my four year old alone long enough for him to conduct a private tutor session with a 911 responder. This is also enough time for said child to ingest poisons, drown in a swimming pool, or get lured into a minivan by a man promising him candy and a puppy. She also has a very obnoxious voice. Thanks, but no thanks.

I would not want to be Ralph because he is a 911 responder, meaning that he needs to deal with people in crisis on a regular basis. While I find this profession to be very reqarding, just thinking about it gives me anxiety. I have my own life crisis to solve, I highly doubt I would be able to solve yours, when you are at your climax of stress. Also, I am better at learning and teaching visually, therefore my ability to survey a scene and administer medical advice via phone would be anything but efficient. Also, the fact that Ralph is taking time away from actual emergencies to help Mikey with his homework clearly displays that his workday usually moves quite slowly. Eek. Worst nightmare ever. Lastly, in the two times I have had to call 911, my hands were shaking beyond belief, and I am almost certain that my sentences were not complete- I find that my career as a 911 responder would be very shortlived, and then I would be unemployed.

I would want to be Mikey for the following reasons.

• Mikey hates math, and so do I.
• Mikey is a quick learning, and is easy to train. Lesson: call 911 if you have an emergency and require help. Learned: I need help on my math, therefore Mom said to call 911 when I need help. Lesson learned. Well done, kid. It isn’t your fault that your mother didn’t clearly explain what constitutes a 911 emergency from a non-911 emergency.
• Mikey is four-years-old and completing subtraction problems? Genius in the making?
• Mikey knows he shouldn’t ever tell strangers where he lives, and instead wants anonymous tutoring over the phone. Maybe he was paying attention during that stranger danger lecture.
• For a 4 year old, Mikey is very articulate and can carry on a conversation with an adult very well.
• Mikey is very good at explaining his intentions. Mom, you told me to call when I needed help, how was I supposed to know you didn’t mean for me to call the police. Clear communication, please, I am four.

Thanks EPML for this winner of a distraction!