It has been preached to all of us: a university’s marketing strategy to show potential future students how (insert every school you visited) is a unique learning environment, in the perfect location, enriched with deep tradition and supported by a wonderful community. Right.

On said tour, the potential pupil and family, is escorted around campus by a bubbly, upstanding and well-versed student of the school’s population. Often times, the tour revolves around the top things to do (at said university) before you graduate.

At my alma mater, this list includes a hike the Adirondack Mountains, a coffee in the book store, a Moving Up Day ceremony, and a student art gallery in the new heart building. The well thought out list encompasses the pristine, PG rated, you should want to go here, we are your university, you are home here type of activity catalog that all schools want to vibe to potential students, and to their “my child doesn’t drink, and definitely won’t while they are in college” parents. This aforementioned list doesn’t typify my collegiate experience, nor does it yours.

Since the admissions team has so thoughtfully and articulately compiled a list of things TO do while in college (which a majority of us never did), I have taken it upon myself to compile a similar list, only mine is the list of things NOT to do while in college (a list of which the majority of us have dabbled into…and potentially regretted.)

My DO NOT do before you graduate list (or do, and then later regret)
*disclaimer: I am not the culprit to all of these acts, but have witnessed them all and seen the regret come soon after

• DO NOT walk (shame or no shame) home between the hours of 9AM and 12PM
• DO NOT walk home from anywhere having participated in a theme party the night before
• DO NOT be afraid to wear oversized football sweatshirts/pants from aforementioned walk home
• DO NOT be a make-out bandit in the back bar of the Tick Tock. Someone will remember it, even if it isn’t you that does.
• DO NOT fall asleep on the delta kitchen counter.
• DO NOT sit on the Tick Tock floor. I am not sure why anyone would ever do that, but I have seen it done. Ew.
• DO NOT heavily pregame before any formal. That means no shots. The same goes for mixers.
• DO NOT steal Christmas trees on walks home from the bar, only to display them in your common room. You will get fined.
• DO NOT dance on the pool table in a dress. You do not want to be that girl…(and we all know who I am talking about)
• DO NOT steal cushions from SUNY Potsdam Frat porches. God only knows what has lived/slept/puked/had sex on that surface.
• DO NOT accept friendship requests from current professors. You may do so, but expect your pristine reputation to be tainted quickly.
• DO NOT put off your school work, just because you’re pledging…and do not lose your pledge pin.
• DO NOT walk home barefoot from anywhere (unless you enjoy the bottom of your feet resembling the color of charcoal)…wearing flip flops out can also achieve the same look.
• DO NOT go to frat formals outside of the country.
• DO NOT let anyone turn a camera on while you are on the toilet.
• DO NOT live with swingers while abroad. If your host mother meets you drunk on the late bus and proceeds to take her finger, smudge the chocolate off your face (thank you to the crepe street vendors) and into your mouth, you know you have a problem…or a party.
• DO NOT be discouraged from sharing pizza with semi-strangers, lets be honest, you will probably be making out later anyways.
• DO NOT eat Denise’s cheesy bread
• DO NOT fall for the “I am in Beta” pick-up line.
• DO NOT fall down the stairs at 20 Pine Street.
• DO NOT forget to call a sober driver before 1:50AM, or you will have to walk home…but who doesn’t love a -30 degree walk home sans mittens?
• DO NOT to go to Dana Dining Hall and expect to avoid seeing the one person you don’t want to see
• DO NOT take psych with a lab, edu with a lab, and Spanish with a lab in the same semester. Seeing the light of day will become a challenge.
• DO NOT talk to (insert name of all college hook ups here)
• DO NOT wear your good pair of heels/uggs/flats/jeans to the bar. They will get trashed (kind of like you will.)
• DO NOT crash a sorority mixer as a freshman…even if you are invited by the fraternity hosting it.
• DO NOT go shot for shot with your football manfriend to prove that you are tough. You aren’t, and he can most definitely drink you under the table.
• DO NOT get sick on said manfriend after said shots.
• DO NOT buy your family’s Christmas presents at the bookstore. They do not want wine glasses with your future alma mater’s logo engraved in them.
• DO NOT loft your bed or date someone who does. Its hard to get into, especially after a drink or two, and you feel like a five year old every time you wake up. It is, however, a true treat if the aforementioned football manfriend slams his head into the ceiling.
• DO NOT pull an all-nighter. Unless you have the next 3 days off to recover, all nighters are the worst decision ever.
• DO NOT go against your gut…

I am sure this list will continue to grow, and please feel free to add any along the bottom if there is an experience you regret, that I have most likely willingly forgot.