Patrick Sway-me

I have decided to entirely skip the subject of Valentines Day. I have (almost) successfully avoided the self-refectory process that occurs for all, or most, singles during the 24 hours dedicated to highlighting our inadequacies…well, besides my small meltdown on Saturday night (but technically that was prior to Valentines Day, so we will excuse that as a moment of brief insanity.)

At any rate, I do enjoy all of that lovey, dovey, romantic Valentines Day crap, so it would be completely hypocritical of me to not in some way shape or form address the holiday dedicated to love, adoration, lust and chocolate.

Therefore as the single lady I am, I would like to discuss a man who evokes each of the aforementioned emotions from me…Patrick Swayze.

Besides his uncanny good looks, quick wit, and charm, Patrick Swayze, who I will now refer to as Pat, also sought out some of the most influential and compelling roles to stroll through the streets of Hollywood.

Patrick Swayze had me at: “nobody puts baby in a corner.” Pat’s performance as Johnny Castle was incomparable to that of any other actor in any other movie. There are no words to describe how I feel about Dirty Dancing or its significance in my life. What I can tell you is that our bonds extend far past the horizons of Castle and his crazy hips, but its impact wouldn’t have been nearly as meaningful had Patrick Swayze not wooed Baby Houseman, and me, with his one liners and killer charm.

Similarly, Pat’s role in Ghost, while not as impactful and influential as in Dirty Dancing, also brought out his new, but equally attractive qualities. New additions to my Life Partner check list: must be excellent at creating pottery, and have the potential to rack up $4 million very quickly. Similarly, Pat brought out his BA side by being able to defeat the bad guys while already dead. I feel safe knowing that even though he is no longer here in person, he is still looking over me keeping my attempted murderers in check. I hope for your sake that you don’t see: “SAMSAMSAMSAMSAMSAM” come across your computer screen in the next few moments.

Lastly, his hot bod was no doubt the center of attention for all Patrick Swayze and ab enthusiasts everywhere in SNL’s Chippendales Dance with fellow hottie Chris Farley. His participation in said skit also highlights yet another attractive feature: His good humor and his ability to look attractive with a mullet. My future life partner should most definitely have the face shape to rock a mullet, incase we end up at an 80’s party, or in Iowa.

Patrick Swayze encompasses all things that a good man should: he is charming, attractive, and has incredible dance moves. Yes, wit and looks are overly important, but we all know that anyone who wants to dance the dance of life with me had better have some serious moves (and agree to dance to “Bette Davis Eyes” on repeat.)

So this Valentines Day, while many are expressing their love toward significant others and loved ones, I am openly stating here that I am crazy for Swayze.