stop suffocating me, shwan

Dear Plastic Wrap around DVD and CD cases,

In this day and age, it is refreshing to find something that is as dedicated to its purpose as you are. As an American consumer, I am grateful that with the help of your guardian wings, electronics are delivered unscathed from the dangers within its transporting route.
Surely, you pride yourself on the exemplary job you do for consumers each and every day, and your due diligence to the items you transport speaks for itself. Sadly, I wonder if I have ever taken the time to thank you for your efforts, but this is not the time for that.

I sometimes wonder if your job is sometimes done too well. Allow me to be frank here, shrink wrap, when I say that sometimes I feel you overstep your boundaries as the protector of MY newly purchased electronics. While I appreciate the importance of protecting these new electronics, I find it difficult to understand why it becomes so difficult to remove you after my legal purchase.

To me, you have successfully completed your job at the transaction of my purchase. You have brought my merchandise from the manufacturer to the distributor to the retailer to my hands, and intact and unscratched at that- job well done! You then step overstep you boundaries, becoming counter productive to your original purpose- the once friendly, protective pillow for my beloved CD has now morphed into a devilish, laughing, suffocating piece of vinyl.

Is it necessary for me to go to my new Dirty Dancing Limited Edition DVD set with an exacto knife, pliers, or even bolt cutters to get your clingy layer of plastic off of my suffocating DVD? Your befuddling glued corners are no match for my fingernails, a battle you know you have won numerous times, and ultimately you force me to resort to unconventional opening methods, like attempting to slice through your layer with a pair or scissors, or even at times a dull machete. How often it is, that in our battles, I have broken a CD case before even removing the new CD from its protector. How heartbreaking it is to be one to break my new TLC’s “Waterfalls” CD when all I was attempting to do was enjoy the very piece of plastic that you were created to protect. Don’t you find this end result to be proof of your being counter productive to your original purpose?

The intent of this letter is not to make you feel as though you are not appreciated, but rather to initiate conversation regarding your separation anxiety from the piece you have spent your entire existence protecting. I worry to think of the conflict that exists every time someone goes to open a new CD case.

Luckily for you, shrink wrap, I only broke the CD case, and I didn’t crack my “Best of the 80’s” CD. The surprise element for our 80’s pre-game will still be a hit…unless any of the partakers read this blog beforehand. To which I then say: “stop reading my blog, and start applying more Aquanet.”