Is That...Bees?!

Whoever invented that obnoxious horn that people use at soccer games, please step forward.

This is an intervention.

Why, in the name of all things holy, would you invent a tool that creates such a loud, obnoxious noise? I mean I am all about noisemakers, megaphones and birthday horns, and of course team spirit, but I am not for a noise that, when combined with other like noises, sounds like a swarm of angry bees.

I see you feel as though you need to provide soccer fans with a) something to entertain them and b) something to make noise with. I feel that we can come up with an alternative to said bee horns, not only because they are annoying, but also because they do not serve a purpose.

Yes, you heard me. They do not serve a purpose. Why not? Because fans for both teams use the same horns which produce the same sound. Your tool doesn’t entice your team to win, because the players don’t know if you are blowing the horn for their great defensive move, or for the other team’s stellar offensive move. They can’t see that you are holding a blue horn versus a red horn, jerk.

That being said, lets discuss and create a better game plan for the 2014 World Cup.

Perhaps to entertain the crowd, you can start the wave or mass produce giant foam fingers. Those are always a huge hit. Feeling a bit more mod? Why not create team Silly Bandz in the shape of your mascot or country? Those are popular with every age!

To promote team spirit, perhaps you could create a feisty cheer, or lead the crowd in a slow clap. That will be sure to get them going. If you are feeling especially gregarious, maybe it is best to lead your section in a distracting song or something of that nature.

Really, the opportunities are endless!

Lets put an end to this horn business, and move onto something bigger and brighter.

Thanks!

Love, Kristin
(and the entire fair-weather soccer fan base of the world)