Move B*tch, Get Out Da Way (Part II)

Sorry for the dispersed blogging this week.

I have been going through my own personal mini-hell, otherwise known as moving.

While even thinking about my relocation sends me into immediate heart failure, I am lucky enough to be going through my move with my best [equally neurotic, equally anxious] friend, so a majority of my whining/venting/ohmygodhowwillImoveallofthisstuffbymyself anxiety has been communicated to her, luckily for you.

Before jumping into my list of why I hate moving, I would like to ask this question to my group of friends, family, and peers:

Why, on God’s good earth, did you let me sign a lease that ends on Halloween?

We already know that Halloween is my most stress-inducing holiday of the year where I over obsess, plan, re-plan, diagram, and ohmygodwhatifnoonethinksmycostumeisfunny until I am down to the wire, left with some really great ideas and nothing to wear. Humph.

This year, however, I decided that it would be a good idea to move [my actual least favorite thing to do] at the same time.

Thanks for stepping in and telling me that this was a good idea. When your Christmas gifts get lost in the mail, you will know why.

So without further ado, here is my list of why I hate moving:

• packing, knowing you are going to unpack
• unpacking, knowing how much time you just put into packing
• elevatorless buildings. Girlfriend needs to work out, but carrying a queen size mattress up three flights of stairs a la narrow isn’t my ideal cardio situation
• Realtors. They are like bad boyfriends. At first, you play hard to get, but then once you have made a commitment to stick with one realtor, tracking them down becomes a temporary hobby until you no longer show interest in an apartment to which they then call/email/text/smoke signal you in any which way possible, only to have them drop you like a bad habit once you have handed over your money. Need to sign your lease? Sure, your realtor will be in her hard to find, inconveniently located office between 4:39PM and 4:42PM [sorry! She will be on the road with much more important clients during any normal hours].
• Where did I put the screws so I can re-assemble my bed frame?
• Those awkward bruises you get all up and down your forearms that remind you of your move when you are typing at work, or even putting on a jacket.
• New landlords. Please write down any damages you currently see in the apartment here. Thanks.
• The overwhelming realization that I am not nearly as organized as I thought I was.
• What do I do with all these awkward boxes once I am done moving?!
• Physically signing a lease. Why do we have to all go somewhere to sign a single document? This is 2010, can’t this be done electronically, or at least in a location where I don’t need to dedicate my entire evening to signing it?
• Forwarding address. I am fairly certain that despite my attempts at forwarding my mail with every move, the majority of it still goes to my first apartment in Brighton.
• Breakage in general. This includes glasses, lamps, bulbs, bones, mirrors, and/or pieces of furniture.