Lyfe Strugglezzzz

My life is made of major and mini struggles, you know, in addition to my constant inward monologue and awkward pauses.

This is this week’s struggle.

Meet this small, but manageable suitcase.

I leave for sunny Los Angeles on Sunday morning. Los Angeles means airport. Airport means suitcase. Suitcase means packing. Packing means Anxiety.

I have opted to avoid reliving last year’s LA packing catastrophe, where I was that girl. Last year, I realized that I have severely over packed when I had to pull the “get on the scale and weigh yourself with your luggage to make sure your suitcase isn’t too heavy” move. I was only going for one week, there was no need to even approach the suitcase weight limit, yet somehow I managed to exceed it…on the way back.

Yes, I was that girl who had to throw out all her toiletries because I refused to pay the “my bag is too fat” fee. My bag had miraculously gained 8 pounds while in LA, yet I hadn’t purchased anything to cause such a change. I felt better knowing I wasn’t the only one who had put on a little weight, thanks a lot Pinkberry. At any rate, there were stress tears, but luckily I had gone through security without any coworkers to witness my said breakdown.

Fast forward to present day. I feel the need to pack my back to capacity, always. In order to not overpack, I need to choose a suitcase of manageable size. This means that I need to pack my entire life within the size constraints of said suitcase. I can feel the packing anxiety building already. Lyfeee Strugglleezzzz!

So, what do I do? I obviously make a complete listing of everything I need for LA, by day and outfit to ensure that I do not forget anything, but that I only pack the essentials. Did I mention I am the daughter of a packaging engineer? Did I also mention I am an extreme over packer?

At any rate, I usually start said list four days prior to departure, which would leave me starting my list, well, right now, but packing is #6 on my “Top 5 Most Important Things To Do” list, so I guess this is going to be one of those “throw and pack” scenarios that I usually get myself into. The “throw and pack” is usually a marathon of laundry, folding, shoving, and over packing, where I ultimately need to either remove clothes that I think I won’t need (which I almost always need at some point on my trip) or upgrade to a larger suitcase. Humph.

So, its just me vs. the small, but manageable suitcase.

Stay tuned for documentation of said match up. I will win.

My day a la randoms

• I prefer to eat ice cream with a fork
• I found out that “How to Train Your Dragon” is a movie, so now I feel like a nincompoop for thinking people searched how to literally train a dragon in my Google blog
• It is a fact. I need to start wearing my glasses. Every. Day. At this rate, my squinting will prematurely cause crows feet by age 30. Stop squinting, Kristin.
• I have listened to Gaga’s “Alejandro” on repeat for the majority of my day. You should probably listen, and watch the video here. You are welcome in advance, Mary, but maybe don’t watch it at work.
• I have been to Philadelphia. This may not seem significant to you, but it seems I completely erased my weekend trip to Philly a la 7th grade from my memory. I just remembered today on my way to work of said trip. Yet another example of my early on setting Alzheimers.
• I still haven’t learned how to control my facial expressions and/or reactions.

Relationships For Dummies?

Alright, it is time to make my [just slightly neurotic] theory on relationships public.

In a relationship, you are either independent or dependent. I am not talking about the “I am completely self-reliant” independent or the “I can’t survive on my own” dependent, but rather those characteristics within a relationship.

If you are the independent person in your relationship, your world doesn’t revolve around said relationship. Your relationship is one [very important] aspect of your life, but you take part in many other things. You enjoy seeing friends and meeting new people, but you feel complete when you have your partner close to you, although you don’t require it to survive.*

If you are the dependent person in your relationship, your reality is consumed with your relationship, in a non-creepy sort of way. You have incorporated your partner into all aspects of your life, and want your partner to do the same. You want to spend all your time with your partner, and have made a social group of friends where you can be both with your partner and friends at the same time. You don’t understand couples who can carry on separate lives but be completely happy together.*

*I believe that an individual can be an independent or a dependent party, depending on their relationship, and it is very possible for a person to evolve from one to another.

Both of these types have their pros and their cons, and each of these types react and live in different ways. Now, how do these types weave into one another?

Kristin’s Dating Analogy:

An Independent can successfully date an Independent.

Why? Because each party appreciates their alone time. They do not see distance as a threat to their relationship, and are happy together but enjoy space at the same time.

A Dependent can successfully date a Dependent.

Why? Because each party likes being with one another as much as possible. Doing things as a couple reduces jealously that can populate from either party, even though they both like doing most things together anyway.

An Independent cannot date a Dependent.

Why? Because the more space the Independent wants, the harder the Dependent tries to hang on. While the Independent needs space in order to function, the Dependent sees space as a threat, and becomes increasingly anxious.

So, that’s my theory, and yes there maybe be loop holes, and exceptions to the rule, but I think that my idea serves as a good theory overall. Hopefully, this theory won't come back to bite me in the arse.

Spoiler Alert: Sex and the City 2

Reality Check: SATC2

For every realistic scenario Sex and the City 2 portrayed, the cast will receive positive points, for every unrealistic and/or tacky scenario, they receive negative points.

Let us begin.

FYI. Stop reading if you don’t want me to ruin the entire plot for you. Seriously, stop reading right now.

(+1) Gays getting married (Hello, I live in Massachusetts, it is very legal here.)
(-2) Carrie wearing that ugly tux…and what was that on her head?! Maid of honor? No, princess of darkness.
(-4) the over-usage of white and Liza Minnelli at the wedding. (Necessary? I think not.)
(+12) Carrie and Big have marital problems because Big only wants to stay home and watch television, while Carrie wants to go live life.
(+2) Charlotte being nervous about Harry and the nanny
(-2) Charlotte being nervous about Harry and the nanny because the nanny is braless.
(-5) anyone waiting on a wait list for that ugly couch.
(-15) Carrie running into Aidan in the middle of a middle east flea market. That. Would. Never. Happen.
(-30) Big buying Carrie jewelry after she tells him about her kiss with Aidan. Yes women of America, cheating definitely deserves jewelry.
(-40) the airbrushing. I am talking to you, Kim Cattral.
(-102) Abu Dhabi as a whole, broken down below

(-2) the plane. Do planes like this actually exist?
(-2) the fact that they thought it was safe to go to the United Arab Emirates without a guide or cultural leader to aid them
(-10) the oasis in the middle of the desert, including the Danish guy who just happened to be wizzing by
(-5) couture and/or heels in the desert. They look ridiculous, not to mention they are not sweating nearly enough for the 115 degree weather they
are camel riding in.
(-40) Carrie losing her passport at said flea market, going back several days later, only to have it be in the same place she left it.
(+5) typical Americans, sticking out like a sore thumb wherever we go.
(-50) the women wear westernized couture under their saris. I mean, I am no expert, but shouldn’t Muslim women be a bit insulted that the producers patronized their culture by saying that they secretly want to be part of ours?
(+2) I mean, it looked like Abu Dhabi, right?

Total Reality Points: -185 meaning this would NEVER happen.

Closing thoughts:

• That’s enough, Samantha, we know you are hormonal, we don’t need you stuffing your face with hummus to drive the point home.
• Why did the producers need to make a mockery of how Americans are stereotypically inconsiderate and uneducated when in other countries? Leave it up to us to objectify ourselves to further scrutiny. Do we really need to go to Abu Dhabi to create a crisis? I think not. Whatever happened to a good old American conflict?
• I have a fever and the only prescription is more Smith Jarred…

SATC2 is just another example of how a sequel is never better than the original. Sigh.

TGIT

Good: Had a great time in the thriving metropolis that is New York City.
Great: Everyone is trying to be someone, even the boxes.
TGIT: Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, even if you end up in tommorrow's trash

Jay-Z and Alicia Keys really nailed it when they wrote the line bolded below:

New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothin' you can't do
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new [even if you live on the streets]
Big lights will inspire you [even if you only strive to be in a pile of trash]
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

I was inspired, thanks box o’ dreams 'n trash.

But Hold The Prune Juice....

Oh hey, all you 80-year-old-women out there who completely relate to me for multiple reasons! I am just like you! Don’t believe me? Read on!

I mean, to start, I knit. Not in a “Back up, Martha” kind of way, but I knit regardless. I have made two complete scarves and I will never look back. Naturally, I found those to be too easy, so I decided to knit a blanket (estimated time of completion, Fall 2014.)

What else? Well, I am a firm believer in bed times. Yes, I think that there is a value to getting 7-8 hours of sleep each and every night, and I do my best at trying to get at least that much. I didn’t say I actually get it, I just attempt to.

Further, I abide by the speed limit. Why? Because I am deathly afraid of getting a speeding ticket, not to mention I much more prefer getting into serious, expensive, car-anxiety inducing car accidents.

Often times I walk by 17 year-olds and want to yell at them. The boys? “Hey kid, pull up your pants and get a job!” The girls? “OH-EM-GEE, you, like, forgot to put pants on!” Rude? No. Helpful? Most likely, I mean perhaps she did forget to put pants on.

Lastly, I am immediately over stimulated after walking into, or by for that matter, an Abercrombie and Fitch. Don’t like the scent they infuse their store and the surrounding area with? Tough, because once you walk in, you have pretty much bathed in it.

Alright, enough ranting. Time for a cup of tea. EEK! Told you I am getting old.

Warning: Honesty Alert!

After a successful surprise weekend jaunt down to the Big Apple to surprise a gal pal on her 25th, I learned something very important about myself.

I am [just slightly] germaphobic.

My [dis]ability becomes very apparent when I am traveling alone, and know no one can judge me for being so.

How?

1. I cannot put my bag down on the floor of any airport and/or bus/train station. I simply cannot imagine putting my beloved bag on the floor, only for it to be infected with microscopic germs. My solution? My bag gets a seat while I wait for my train, or else I stand with it between my legs, obviously as fashionably as possible. I prefer to only leave the train station with germs I came with myself, thank you very much.
2. Public restrooms as a whole. I am not a good squatter. Things get even more interesting for me when I have a large bag that cannot hang on the little hook they provide for pocket books. Good thing I was a dancer, because those quads get a great workout.
3. I bring a pair of traveling socks. What are traveling socks, you may ask? Traveling socks go on after getting on the train, and come off before getting off said train. This way, I can take my sandals off, but avoid having my feet touch the floor (no doubt where millions of other smelly, sweaty, athlete’s foot-y feet have been.) Said socks come off before putting my shoes back on, as not to germ-if my shoes. Did I mention I get cold?
4. Oh hey, college brah dipping while sitting next to me on the train. Can you, like, stop?
5. There is a brief moment, once I relax and settle into my seat and plug in my iPod, that I ponder whether I am infecting myself with lice as I perch my head on the window on the train. Ew.

I give myself credit for knowing that this behavior is abnormal, and exposing it anyway.

I revert back to my favorite prayer which states: “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I know this is one of those situations that I am most likely unable to change, or else I most definitely don’t have the courage to change it…yet.

Who says this blog isn't reflective and therapeutic?