There are very few things in life that, just by existing, make the world a better place. One of them being my Grammy, and another being peanut butter.
I could go on and on about peanut butter, but what it really boils down to is consistency...and I mean both kinds.
Consistency:
The first time I had peanut butter was just barely as I started teething. My mother used to put drops of different (soft) foods on my tongue to see what kind of facial reactions I would make in response to them. Peanut butter was a winner from the start. Today, I am still as head over heals for peanut butter as I was in 1986...that is 24 years of unconditional love and support. By far the longest, and healthiest, relationship I have been in thus far; my next boyfriend has some serious competition.
Peanut butter was a lifeline during the elementary school years. When I was a kid, there were two kinds of school days: days with peanut butter and jelly for lunch, and days when there was turkey. Obviously, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich days were of much higher quality than the turkey days, and I learned that at a very young age.
Middle school was a rough patch in my relationship with peanut butter. It was no longer cool to bring lunch to school, and it definitely wasn’t cool to be that kid who had to raise your hand to request “Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich” when they were taking the tally for lunch orders in the morning. My solution? Why, eat peanut butter for breakfast, of course! And so, my breakfast of champions became peanut butter on an English muffin…for the next sevenish years.
As I got older, peanut butter was a companion through many of my adolescent life experiences. Peanut butter stayed up late with me while I was cramming for my five final extravaganza every semester; peanut butter sustained me during marathon Saturdays of college applications, and was there when I opened the acceptance letters…and the one rejection; and PB even accompanied me to West Concord Dance Academy for a quick snack between my 3-9PM marathon days.
College brought peanut butter and I to a new level entirely. Freshman year, I lived closer to the nearest supermarket than I did to the dining hall, so many of those -30 degree winter nights in upstate New York were spent with pretzel rods, oyster crackers, peanut butter, and my good friend, Alex.
Alex shared my love for peanut butter, a love so strong it turned us criminal...literally. Once we realized that our dining hall was charging for small, tablespoon size, travel cups of peanut butter, we decided to steal them. I still stand by my decision to steal peanut butter from St. Lawrence University’s dining services. I mean, I paid the equivalent of $19.50 for a banana, and they have the audacity to charge me for the accompanying peanut butter? Everybody knows that the two go together. It’s like selling a bagel, and charging extra for the cream cheese…oh wait, they did that too.
Peanut butter continued to play a key role in my collegiate career. I figured out that PB and oyster crackers were the only way to lure to get a drunk Alex, my now roommate, into her lofted bunk bed at 3AM, and that PB is a great addition to a vent sesh in the delta kitchen.
Post college and into my young professional life, peanut butter has become a permanent member of my cubicle food shelf and a critical member of my budget diet.
Needless to say, the word to describe peanut butter in my 24 years of existence: consistent.
Consistency:
Peanut butter has good consistency, and lots of them at that. I personally grew up sheltered in the peanut butter world, only being exposed to the smooth varieties until high school. Then I began experimenting with different varieties to try and find the texture that agreed with my mouth best. What did I find? Each variety serves a different purpose, and I love each differently, but equally.
Smooth is an excellent choice when the peanut butter needs to be melty/gooey. Ideal uses for smooth include: on toast or sandwiches, or atop an ice cream sundae. Crunchy is best used when an additional texture is needed; I prefer to use crunchy on apples and/or bananas, just to give my afternoon snack an extra special crunch. Extra crunchy is for when I need an aggressive crunch, a void that no normal crunchy peanut butter can fill. Usually when I have an extra crunchy PB situation, the only utensil needed is a spoon.
I have found that the consistency of peanut butter can be paired with almost all foods already found in my 20-something diet and not just the usual suspects like toast, jelly, apples, celery, and bananas, but even with pretzels, ice cream, chocolate, and carrots. The list is endless...
Peanut butter has good consistency, and should absolutely be its own category on the USDA food pyramid. I mean the “fats, oils, and sweets” section realistically should solely read “peanut butter” for two reasons: one being that peanut butter is the only food that people eat within that category (unless there is a new fad regarding olive oil consumption I am unaware of,) and the second being that peanut butter would be placed at the top of the food pyramid- looking down on all foods, which are sub-par compared to it.
Like all healthy relationships, peanut butter and I have had our turmoil. Our first fight started when I read the back of the jar, and learned of the ridiculously high fat and calorie content. I had minor heart failure, which I still hope had nothing to do with the amount of peanut butter I had previously consumed. I felt tricked and deceived, but I knew that my quality of life would suffer if I cut peanut butter out completely. I believe every relationship has faults and will only prosper if its benefits outweigh its blemishes. In this case, I know that my relationship with peanut butter is worth the risk of clogged arteries. It is a risk I am willing to take.
So, thank you peanut butter, for having great consistency, consistently.
I apologize if, after reading this, you crave peanut butter for the entirety of your day. I wish I could say I feel badly, but all I can really say is: "welcome to my life."
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