Blonde with Sub-Par Driving Record On Board

Dear driver with the "Baby On Board" sticker,

Is it really necessary to advertise that you actually have a child in your vehicle? I find it difficult to grasp the reasoning behind your announcement, besides being a complete and total jerk.

People have bumper stickers for many reasons:

1. to be humorous (example: the "what if the hokey pokey is what its all about?" sticker)
2. to prove a point (example: the "if you can read this, get off my ass!" sticker)
3. to prove a political point (example: the "don't blame me, I voted for McCain" sticker)
4. to be proud (example: the "I love my student of the month at ABC School" sticker)
5. to show school pride (example: the "Harvard/Dartmouth/St. Lawrence/Other uber competitive school" sticker)
   

Which of the following reasons pushed you to purchase said BOB sticker?

The answer? Um, none of them. You bought it because you want to make sure drivers in close proximity don't hit your car, seeing that you have a child in the back seat.

This just in: No one wants to hit you, your car, or your baby in the first place. Car accidents are called accidents because they aren't done on purpose. No one wants to cause a car accident on purpose, that is just silly! Your posting a measly sticker onto the back of your station wagon isn't going to stop my car from careening into you if I hit a patch of ice, or slam on my brakes for me if I don't see you brake for that j-walking pedestrian approaching (sorry, still not over my car accident one year later.) In other words, your sticker is completely pointless, if not counter productive.

Counterproductive?! Yes, counterproductive. Now, instead of focusing on safely driving, thereby not hitting you and your car, I am distracted by your silly bumper sticker and am now having an angry inner rant while behind the wheel, that goes something like this:

"Well, I really was planning on slamming into the back of your car, causing me thousands of dollars, hours of stress, a few bruises, and maybe even a court date, but since you seem to have a child on board, I will refrain from hitting you. Thank you for the subtle reminder. Maybe I should plaster stickers that say things like 'Blonde who can't afford to loose anymore brain cells from the impact of your car hitting hers on board' or 'poor girl with no money for a rental car if you hit her on board' on the back of my car so that other people know that hitting me would be inconvenient for me. While were on that subject, why don't people over 80 have stickers that say "Blue Hair Special On Board" just so we can all steer clear of them?! At the end of the day, everyone should just be driving as carefully as possible all the time, no matter who it is they are following. Your sticker makes you look stupid, and makes me feel like I am a bad driver, which I am not." [end self rant]

See what I mean? Counterproductive. Especially if you expect me to devote 100% of my attention to me not hitting your baby, I mean your car with the baby on board. Full attention is not happening if I am controlling my blood from boiling. Dur.

This also just in: Should you have a "Baby On Board" sticker, it is in your best interest to promote good driving, rather than driving like a fifteen year old. I am talking to you, crazy minivan driver who hasn't learned to make complete left-hand turns without potentially nailing the car [possibly a lil' black Saab named Sass] stopped at the light.

Something else just in: Stop thinking that you are such an amazing driver that you can start telling people how to drive.

Love, Kristin (the girl you almost just nailed when you didn't check your blindspot.)


Okay, lunch time rant over.