Camp Anawanna?

Apologies for my lack of blogging lately, but don’t be looking for any blogging next week either.

Why?

Because I will be camping [for the first time ever].

No need to adjust the brightness on your monitor, I did just say camping.

What started out as a joke between friends has quickly escalated to a very real reality. I will be one with nature beginning on Monday. Sound the alarms.

Surprisingly, I am actually very excited to partake in my first camping trip. For one, I will be going in toe with 6 of my closet friends, copious amounts of alcohol and scrabble. All of which amount to a wonderful time separately, never mind when they are combined together. Secondly, I have been [if only just slightly] neurotically checking the weather forecast, and it seems as though things look relatively dry*

Much to my worry, I have gotten mixed reviews re: my upcoming camping trip. Statistics based on initial reactions are shared below:

• 50% agree that I will enjoy camping…and maybe even love it
• 30% think that camping is the most wretched activity ever to be invented by man
• 18% politely expressed that everyone has that “one camping story” and that they can’t wait to hear mine
• 2% immediately warned me not to trust anyone if they said they would bring a sleeping bag for me to borrow.

These reactions worried me for many reasons, the most glaring reason being that I am, in fact, relying on someone to bring me a sleeping bag. Do you not think I will be a fun camper? Do I seem like a high maintence person? Why don’t you think I will like camping? [Insert neurotic questioning rant here.]

I decided that, instead of allowing others to decide whether or not I would be a good camper, I would myself decide if I could hack it in the wilderness of New Hampshire during October.

Here enter my Pro/Con Camping List:

These are the reasons why I will be a fantastic fall camper.

1. I am excited! Generally, positive attitude = positive experience. I think [I am going to have fun], therefore I am [going to have fun].
2. I can do cold weather. I don’t just “do” cold weather, I excel in cold weather. Cold builds character, and I have lots of character. Let’s take this opportunity to remember my collegiate years in the arctic, where yours truly joined a sorority where it was tradition to all sleep in one room with the windows open all year round.
3. I like nature…as in I like gazing at stars, sitting around camp fires, and hanging outside with friends…I think.
4. I can sleep anywhere, provided it isn’t extremely uncomfortable, light or hot, and that I can fall asleep on my stomach.
5. I am excited to turn off my cell phone…can you hear me now? Nope.
6. I am very educated on what to do if something goes wrong. I have seen pretty much every episode of “Man vs Wild”, as well as “Man, Woman, Wild.” I feel confident on my abilities to thrive under pressure in an emergency. I think of my continuing outdoor education and my epipen in a similar manner: I learn to use it with the hopes of never having to.
7. I love the people I’m going with. Good company = good time.

These are the reasons why I might not be a fantastic camper.

1. The closest experience I have ever had to camping would be day drinking at the Hunt. The Hunt, for those of you who don’t know, is a horse race in Jersey where the waspy 20-somethings of New England pretend to be outdoorsy by standing in a muddy field in preparation for a fox hunt. This is also an opportunity for wasps to wear their Barbour jacket, Hunter boots, and Rayban sunglasses just to say as to say “I’m loaded, waspy, but can be bro outdoors.” I wish I could pretend that I wasn’t absolutely dying for a Barbour jacket, but I completely am. I digress.
2. Nature…as in existing with it for an extended period of time. I wouldn’t be concerned if we were taking a short camping trip, however, me being me agreed to go on a six day camping excursion, having never gone before…not my brightest idea.
3. Bugs. I don’t do well with bugs, spiders, snakes, or anything else I have seen on the Discovery Channel.
4. Hi, I have Celiac. No one wants to go camping with someone who has a food problem.
5. Hi, I have an epipen. No one wants to go camping with someone who could die because of said food problem.
6. I am no good at hiking, but I think I am saved with the group I am going with, as the word “exercise” is often perceived as a bad word.
7. I have a very vibrant imagination and am extremely paranoid. This cannot be a good combination in the middle of the woods with a bunch of pranksters.

Stay tuned for my camping experiences, and that one token camp story that is bound to be born.

Signed, Woman of the Wilderness

Hi, My Name Is "Gluten Girl"

Problem: Extreme fatigue.
Origin: Undiagnosed Celiac Disease.
Solution: No more gluten!

New problem: Extreme fatigue.
Origin: The decision process in deciding whether I can eat something or not.
Solution: To Be Determined.

There are four words that now almost constantly monopolize my brain:

“Can I eat this?!”

As if I didn’t already [over]analyze the nutritional value for all food I allowed into my digestive system, I now have to break down each ingredient within something I want to eat in order to ensure that it is gluten free.

It is exhausting.

It sounds relatively simple. [Stop eating wheat products, dummy!] When in reality is isn’t.

Gluten is in everything.

I am slowly learning that it is a complete waste of energy for me to even look in any menu sections besides those clearly labeled “Salad” and “Entrée”

Of course, my obvious “I want what I can’t have” mind set [also known as beingawomanitis] immediately sends me into a carb craving frenzy.

Instead of looking at all the things I can have, I stare into the realm of gluten possibilities, and need to turn on my will power with every single meal I eat.

Sigh.

I understand that my being a dummy and looking in the sandwich section sets me up for exhaustion, but what I am also learning is that I need to breakdown even the “safe” sections of the menu.

I am talking to you, soup and salads.

Here I am, already having made the “good” choice in committing to the non-blatantly gluten sections of the menu, but now I also need to breakdown the boring stuff.

In a nutshell [which I also can’t currently eat do to the pine nut problem]:

Salads?

Does it have croutons?
If yes, remove from options.
If no, continue on.
Does it have fun flavoring?
If yes, remove from options.
If no, continue on.
Is there even an iota of a chance that the dressing will contain trace amounts of gluten?
If yes, remove from options.
If no, continue on.

The ending order? “Oh hi, I’ll have the garden salad with plain grilled chicken, no croutons, and oil and vinegar on the side thanks. Does that come with bread? None for me thanks.”

Stop having so much fun, dinner order.

Soup?

Are there noodles in it?
If yes, remove from options.
If no, continue on.
Is it thick?
If yes, remove from options.
If no, continue on.

The ending order? “I’ll have a cup of your…chicken broth?”

I kid of course, but really dissecting each ingredient in every meal I eat really is exhausting…but not nearly as exhausting as I am when I have gluten products in my bellah.

Stay tuned, this will definitely get easier with time, and think about all the money I will save avoiding meals out!