Frankly, the term “I am sorry” is the most overused word in the English language.
I am sorry, but I am most definitely an apology addict.
I am sorry I got so drunk. I am sorry I got into a better school than you. I am sorry that I am a stickler for grammar. I am sorry that you don’t have a car. I am sorry that I am taller than you. I am sorry I have such neat handwriting. I am sorry you walked into me.
All of these things have come out of my mouth in the last 48 hours, but the one that forced me into writing a blog about it was this one:
I am sorry, I have Celiac.
Recently, this is a sentence that has been word vomiting from my mouth far more frequently than it should be. As if my pre-existing ordering awkwardness wasn’t already weird enough, I now need to explain to all wait staff that I have a dietary limitation. I am now that girl.
So, when I feel like a waitress is judging me for customizing my meal, instead of leaving my [very personal, noneya business] explanation out, I always end up not only over-sharing, but also asking for forgiveness.
I am sorry, I have Celiac.
I stop and think: what exactly am I sorry for?! Well, I profusely apologize that my genetic defect, which has turned my world upside down in less than three months, is now going to inconvenience you. Now, instead of simply writing my carbon-copy order down, you now need to note that I need dressing on the side/no croutons please/ no bread on the side/ need to make sure the sauce has no gluten. Your life must be so hard.*
*Your life is so hard, that is, until you go to eat the free dinner you are provided in the back, and not think once about any of the ingredients in the chicken dish you are shoving into your mouth.
I am so sorry that I need your help in learning about the ingredients in the food you are about to serve to me, only doing so because I am unable to find said ingredients on your website which I most definitely scoured prior to my arriving at your restaurant. I am so sorry that if you don’t do this small custom order for me, that I will spend the next several hours doubled over in pain because it was such an inconvenience to you.
Well, guess what. I am not sorry…so, I am not going to say it anymore.
